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User blog:Bobdave/Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy to Handlery. Walter Elias Disney vs James Maury Henson
sexual panting* ---- 'Announcer' BOB AND LOYG'S TOO SWA- *gack!* Ow, my throat 'Walt Disney:' They call me Walt Disney I'll shit down your chimney The number of bitches I got: Fifty Fuck off, I need whiskey But what's more important Is that I bone your tits So fuck my fifty bitches I don't give them any riches I'll impregnate you by ejaculating inside your vaginal cavity! I can tell you've got a semen depravity! What a calamity! Your bum I'm going to slammity! 'Jim Henson' Please hold back your erections, for I am Henson I send cum into your end, son and then some! Bring me your grandma, let me examine her Damn! I want to cram, insert my spam in her 'Walt Disney's Nan' Dang, it hurts! 'Jim Henson' Your nana splurts, I'm a fan of eating jam! So grab my Peter, man cuz I'm fly like Peter Pan! 'Walt Disney' I'll put my sperm in Kermit, this biggy in Miss Piggy You know what they say about guys with big feet: Mickey! 'Mickey Mouse' Hey, everybody! It's me, Mickey Mouse! I like to give hot dickings to my spouse! Oh, I almost forgot to introduce her, she's Minnie! But there's one thing that's not: My thingy! 'Jim Henson' You wanna bring in your characters? Fuck you! I'm a lone gun So here's Throbert Downey Jr., prepare for my bone, yum! 'Kermit the Frog' Umm, I heard a battle, and you're all wack-ass niggas 'Miss Piggy' Kermit, you can't say that! 'Kermit the Frog' Shut up Miss Pig, ugh! Your dick is indeed Minnie, and it's also very goofy! Plus, you can bet it's Donald! Does that make sense? No? Poopy! 'Mickey Mouse' You're not invited to my clubhouse! Your lyrics are all phooey! Don't insult Donald or Goofy! I like to give them my gooey! 'Walt Disney' Look up here, I'm the roof now, I did say That I'd shit down your chimney! Nnnnnnggggg, bombs away! 'Jim Henson' Prepare the trampoline, Stan Lee! This will be handy That shit's coming back up the chimney. Dandy! 'Stan Lee' Indeed, yes and quite. I'll pelt the whore! You smell of stool... excelsior! 'Walt Disney' No matter, I'll just buy another company quickly! Poop Shields Incorporated, that will do! I'll come out of this not very stinky! You think you could beat me using my own poo? 'Jim Henson' I did, in fact. It was a mistake I didn't forsee Wait, over there! What the fuck? Porky?! 'Harry, Albert, Sam and Jack aka The Warner Brothers:' We're not willing to be in this battle, sorry pricks Just get back to your rhyming, we'll take care of this pig *Sam gets out a shotgun* 'Mickey Mouse' Warners? Get back in your corners! Just leave at once! 'Walt Disney' I bet you didn't expect Walt Disney to also have guns! *Walt pulls out an Uzi* 'Jim Henson' Shit, you have an Uzi! I'm getting strangely oozy Well, no going back now, this'll be a doozy! 'Nazi Donald Duck:' Eliminate the kikes! *Everyone just stops and stares at Donald Duck* 'Donald Duck' You guys are leaving me out of the fun, just because I was a Nazi? Come on, I also have a rather respectable gat, see? *Donald Duck suddenly has what can only be described as a generic gun* 'Jim Henson:' Oh that's how you wanna play, with your generic firearms? I'll write a letter of complaint to Disney detailing my qualms! 'Walt Disney' I don't give a shit about your qualms, you dolt! Cinderella, Treasure Planet, Pocahontas, Bolt! These are just four of the films in my collection I'll fuck you up by giving you a C-section! 'Jim Henson' I'm sure there are several more films that you could mention Well say what you want, it don't impress Henson! I have the Muppet Movie, and the Muppet Movie Reboot And the Muppet movie reboot two... oh shoot 'Mickey Mouse' You're right, we have a lot of other movies to list off! 'Donald Duck' Like The Lion King, Aristocats, and that one with Kristoff! 'Mickey Mouse' The Great Mouse Detective, Bambi, Chicken Little, and Up! 'Donald Duck' But that was Pixar! 'Mickey Mouse' It still counts, right? 'Walt Disney:' Yup! 'Jim Henson' I've had enough this shit. Also, I'm dead So while I die, Kermit, guys, go ahead 'Kermit the Frog:' K-k-k-k-Kermit, shit on your epidermis 'Miss Piggy:' Go to hell and back in your shell! Do you have a parking permit?! 'Fozzie:' Yo yo, it's the Fozzle, spraying from my nozzle Got a day job as a bondage gear model! 'Gonzo: I'm Gonzo, you're Gonzo! 'Beaker:' No you're Gonzo! 'Gonzo:' Lolno! *Gonzo removes his mask to reveal he's actually Henson in disguise* 'Jim Henson:' I admit, I wasn't having fun in that casket I'm sorry for being a shit-stained bastard 'Walt Disney:' You've heard raps from Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck But there's still a mascot left to rap, and he's- '???:' Hyuck! *A figure steps forward. It is Goofy* 'Goofy' Facing me is a goofy move because I was in A Goofy Movie! Sorry if I seem tired, I just got done with a prostitute under the duvet! 'Donald Duck:' Classic Goofy! What a player! 'Mickey Mouse:' He strips females layer by layer! 'Walt Disney:' He's running for mayor! 'Goofy:' That's right, so y'all better say your prayers! *A figure comes forward, cloaked in shadows* '???:' No one makes more cash than me, check my thug money Disney's tryna steal fame from my company But your movies and shit, they are very unfunny So prepare for a fuck ton of cum from Bugs Bunny! *Bugs Bunny leaps forward with a carrot in his asscrack* 'Bugs Bunny:' Mickey, don't deny that you watch lemon, it's so clear I checked your internet history, "old man sex", it's right here And you, Donald, you hardly give girls a thrill I bet you're a ho, I forgot my wallet, put this on your bill! So while I'm fucking you, I'll diss this fucking dog Your mayoral campaign can't beat my clogs! *Bugs Bunny begins tapdancing in clogs but falls over and breaks his ankle* Ah shit, my leg wrist, this really sucks I'll be back for you gays, that's all, fucks! 'Walt Disney:' Well then, it looks like it's not this rabbit's season 'Mickey Mouse:' Get lost, Bugs! The greatest Pokémon is- 'Weezing:' Weezing! 'Donald Duck:' Uh, guys? Seriosuly, I don't think Bugs is breathing... 'Goofy:' Fuck that noise! The prostitute is back, my balls she's a-squeezing! '???:' You cartoons really think you're the shit, huh? Well time to feel the wrath of my shit, bruh! Barry Manilow appears from behind some curtains that Disney was apparently rapping in front of* 'Barry Manilow:' It's a real person coming in to diss these cartoons Why Barry Manilow? Idk why the fuck not? I was a singer, I think, dunno if I was good at it But at least I'm real unlike you guys, get in the attic! And don't think I forgot about you puppet faggots Getting fisted for a living? That sounds sweet, damn it! But I pull the strings, so my dick, come and hold My rhymes are like Disney in cryostasis cuz they are allegedly cold So I'm ending this fight by taking a big shite Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night 'Santa Claus' Stealing my motto? Oh no! I don't think so! Santa is a pimp! With a very big scro'! This isn't the Christmas special! 'Greta:' That's right! It is not! 'Santa Claus:' My wife is Mrs Claus! Even at 78, she's smoking hot! 'Mrs Claus' Santa, you know that's scientifically wrong? If I was hot, I'd melt the ice, you schlong! 'Santa Claus' Later, twats! I'm off to drink Coke! Kermit the Frog? Ho ho! He just croaked! 'EpicLLOYD' We've returned 'Nice Peter:' You'll get burned! 'Betette:' We'll shove your ashes in urns! 'Dante:' Like your grandparents 'Zach:' You can't say that, you turd! 'Miss Piggy' Zach's right, Dante, that subject is sensitive And as penance for that, I'll snap your prick! *a very loud crunch is heard as Dante's prick is snapped* *his penis, however, remains intact* 'Dave McCary:' I'm back. To ruin your faces! You all Need to know your places! I'm Dave McFuckingCary! Dave McFuckingCary! Yes 'Walt Disney:' Whoa there! Hold up! 'Goofy:' This battle's about us, fellers! 'Donald Duck:' Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! We'll mutilate you til you're yellow! 'Mickey Mouse:' Murder is fun, kids! Ending lives is a joy! 'Walt Disney, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy:' 'Actually, just Disney:' I learned all of this from my nephew, Roy! 'Announcer' ABRUPT ENDING Who Two? Walt Disney, his grandmother, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy Jim Henson, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Beaker Weezing The Warner Brothers and Bugs Bunny Barry Manilow Santa Claus Greta Mrs Claus The ERB Crew Dave McFuckingCary Dante's snapped prick A half-severed foreskin Category:Blog posts